


No Regrets

by Desirae



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane, episode coda, post s3 x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 01:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desirae/pseuds/Desirae
Summary: Alec worries that Magnus will soon regret his sacrifice... and his love for Alec right along with it.Episode coda set after the mid-season finale.





	No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. Here is my contribution to what I hope are a slew of codas and hiatus fics to help get us through the upcoming Malec drought. As usual, my Malec is based on the lovely&amazing Matthew Daddario and Harry Shum Jr., but of course, envision whichever version of them you prefer.

The hours after his battle with the owl and Magnus’ return were a bit of a blur. He vaguely remembered seeing Jace’s tear-stained face and the feeling of his iratze being activated. He remembered Magnus’ long fingers cradling the back of his head as he lay on the ground, chest tight and breathing ragged as he teased about what his mother had said about him making a dramatic entrance. Magnus’ face had been tense, eyes wide with love and worry and a whole slew of other emotions, looking like he was barely holding it together.

He must have passed out because when he next woke it was in Magnus’ bed at the loft and his skin was tingling. He could feel magic as it danced over his body, and though it was warm and comforting, it wasn't Magnus’. He’d been confused, opening his eyes, and seeing Catarina there, watching over him with a calm, reassuring smile on her face as she healed him. His first thought was to ask why her, but then it was like a sledgehammer to his chest as he remembered.

_My magic. It’s gone. I traded it to break Lilith’s hold on you._

Magnus’ words to Jace reverberated in his head and he gave a harsh gasp.

“Alec? Are you okay?” Caterina’s voice was soft and laced with concern and he turned his eyes towards her. The warlock's expression told him she could see the despair he felt on his face.

“S’all my fault,” he whispered.

“What’s all your fault, Alec?”

“Magnus. He… he… oh, by the angel, Cat, he’s going to hate me,” Alec's chest felt tight, making it hard for him to breathe.

“Alec. Alec! You need to calm down,” Caterina’s voice was stern but kind as she caught his gaze, encouraging him to take slow breaths as apparently, he’d started to have a panic attack. “That’s it,” she said as he breathed along with her. “You’re doing great, “ she soothed.

“What am I gonna do?” he murmured brokenly, once his breathing had leveled out.

“Honey, Magnus did exactly what he felt he needed to do, and he wouldn’t want you blaming yourself,” Caterina said sincerely, but Alec just shook his head.

“No. This is wrong. I know he’ll say he had no choice, but magic… it’s who Magnus is and to give it up for Jace, for _me_...he’s gonna resent me for it. Maybe not today or next week, or even next month, but someday soon. Every time he looks at me, I’ll just be this… this _reminder_ of what he lost.  There’s gotta be something… I gotta fix it…” Alec fought to maintain lucidity, to climb out of the bed, but he was _so_ _tired_. He felt utterly drained, fighting the battle to keep his eyes open, as he felt the gentle slide of Caterina's fingers carding through his hair.

“Well, right now, let me fix you, okay?” Cat’s tone left no room for argument and since he couldn’t even move, Alec didn’t see the point in putting up a fight just yet.

“Mm-hmm,” he managed to murmur, sinking back further into the silk sheets and breathing in the scent of Magnus- _Indian Sandalwood_ and something other; electric, like a lightning storm.

Time seemed to float away. It could have been five seconds, five minutes, or five hours, but he could hear Caterina talking quietly, he even thought he heard Magnus’ smooth melodious voice chiming in, but everything appeared muffled and bogged down. Alec wondered if he was on some kind of mundane pain medicine.

“Did you hear any of that?” Cat asked and Alec tried to hear the answer, but his body was betraying him, sleep pulling him under.

“M’sorry, Magnus,” he slurred, “M’sorry,” he managed as he started drifting off, sighing as he felt a soft kiss pressed to his forehead.

“Shh, Alexander,” words like a balm soothed him. “Go to sleep, my darling.”

* * *

 

Magnus watched the steady rise and fall of Alec’s chest, soft little snores the only sound in the room as his shadowhunter slept the sleep of the very heavily medicated. Magnus couldn’t stop looking at him, touching him, feeling his pulse point.

If he had been just seconds later, it would have been too late. Magnus didn’t think there were words accurate enough to describe the terror he had felt coming upon his love laying on the cold hard ground, arrow nearly piercing his heart. The satisfaction of watching Jace thrown into a wall and expelling the demon inside of him had paled in comparison to the stark fear that his Alexander had been a mere heartbeat away from death.

He blew out a shuddering breath as he laid down next to Alec in his bed, _their_ bed, he autocorrected in his mind, making a mental note to remedy that situation as soon as possible. After this, he would be damned if he ever went to bed without Alexander by his side.

It was going to be a long road for them, that he knew. Alec, always so selfless, was already taking the blame for Magnus’ choices, and he knew he would be facing an uphill battle when it came to Alec’s guilt. If there was anyone who was an expert at beating themselves up over mistakes- _not that Magnus would ever consider what he did a mistake_ \- it was Alexander Lightwood.

Sunlight poured in through the blinds and Magnus waved his wrist with a flourish, cursing as they remained still. Now, that was going to be a hard habit to break. Magnus had never realized how much he used his magic for ridiculously mundane things like turning off a light or making coffee-and he’d never been so grateful that Alec had insisted on keeping his _Keurig_ at the loft for mornings where he awoke before Magnus and couldn’t summon his favorite latte from that bistro in Paris.

But he had no regrets. How could he ever when if he hadn’t traded his magic, his love would be dead? And it wasn’t as if this wasn’t a possibility he had been looking into. Becoming mortal. Not that Alec knew about that.  But of course, it was something he had considered. How could he not when facing the inevitability of someday being without Alexander? The very thought of taking a breath once his Nephilim was gone was like a blow to his chest.

Magnus had loved before Alec, truly and deeply, and he would never wish to discredit those feelings or those important relationships in his life. But Alexander….oh he was something different altogether. The idea of him one day being nothing but dust, a memory, a memento in a greedily coveted box… it made him ache in ways he never had before. He told Alec to live in the moment because to think about a future without him, well, it was just too hard to bare. If Magnus were one to believe in romantic soulmates, which of course he was, then Alexander would be his. If there were ever any wish he kept secret in his heart, it was to be with Alec forever, however long that entailed; be it Alexander’s mortal lifespan, or finding a way to make his love immortal like himself.

Oh, yes. He knew Alec was looking into that as well. His darling angel may have thought he was being inconspicuous with the research masquerading as _just a little light reading_ , but Magnus knew better. He also knew not to confront Alec on it or to insult him by questioning what he was thinking. His Alexander was one of the most methodical people he knew; if this was something Alec was considering or wanted, then Magnus would respect him enough to know what the consequences were for such a decision. And truth be told, he was okay with being a little bit selfish this time around, to for _once_ put his own needs at the top along with everyone else’s he always took care of first.

Alec stretched in the bed, turning on his side facing Magnus, eyes still closed. He knew that meant he’d be waking soon.  Magnus brought his hand up to thumb at the light stubble on Alec’s usually clean-shaven face. Soon, dark lashes fluttered open and wide doe eyes blinked back at him. _Beautiful_. Every shade of brown, from light golden honey to dark molasses stared back at him and Magnus found himself smiling brightly as those irises danced over his face.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Magnus said softly, heart tripping as Alec’s lips pulled up in his trademark half-smile, his long archer’s fingers reaching out to lace with Magnus’.

“Morning. How long have I been out?” Alec’s voice was raspier than usual from lack of use and Magnus had to stop himself from trying to summon a glass of water; instead getting up and going to grab the pitcher and glass he’d left on the wardrobe.

“Oh, about thirteen hours,” Magnus said as he poured, hurrying back to Alec’s side as the Nephilim shot up in bed in a panic.

“Thirteen hours! I...I have to go to the institute, I have to see if Jace and Clary are okay. I have to find a way to get to Edom and get you your-”

“You stop right there, Alexander. Not another word,” Magnus commanded, bringing his fingers to Alec’s lips when he began to protest. “First of all, the institute is fine, Isabelle has things quite in hand at the moment and is not expecting you back anytime before noon tomorrow,” Magnus pushed the glass of water into Alec’s hands arching an intimidating brow at the man until he complied.

Alexander drank down the whole glass, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and placing it on the nightstand.

“Thanks,” he said, voice much clearer. “I didn’t realize how thirsty I was. But I really-” Alec’s words halted as Magnus rolled his eyes and gently pushed his lover back into the covers when he tried to rise.

“Alexander, your parabatai is fine, reunited with Clary after a scary miscommunication with Sherman about her death. Your mother is helping Lucian out with unofficially reuniting possessed Mundanes with their loved ones-he’s been suspended,” Magnus said when Alec looked at him in confusion,” but none of that is important now. What’s important is that Lilith has been stopped and that _you_ get some rest. Your body has been through quite the trauma.”

Alec shook his head, looking down and pulling his fingers out of Magnus’ and his heart clenched at the loss.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry, Magnus. I honestly… I don’t know how you can even look at me right now. Lilith is gone, and that’s great. It’s fantastic,” Alec finally looked up and met his gaze, eyes shining with unshed tears. “But look what it cost you?”

“Alexander,” Magnus said fondly, “you have to know that there is _nothing_ I wouldn’t do to keep you alive and safe. Aside from the havoc Lilith was creating on our world and the Mundanes’, what she was doing to Jace… Alec, if he had died, a part of you would have died as well, and that would not have stood.”

“But Magnus, I… I’m not worth it.  I would have died at some point anyway, so to give up your magic-”

“Stop!” Magnus said, sharply this time and Alec swallowed audibly. “I know you are under the impression that I mean more to you than you mean to me… as if whatever years I’m blessed enough to have with you are somehow _lesser…_ like I could just say _oh, well, he was just going to die anyway_ and move on with my life, ” Magnus gripped Alec’s chin when he tried to look away, “when that couldn’t further from the truth,” He leaned in and pressed his forehead to Alec’s, smiling when the Nephilim angled his head up and stole a sweet kiss, soft and trembling.

“I just… I don’t want you to wake up one day and hate me,” Alec confessed against his lips.

“I could never hate you,” Magnus implored him to believe it.

“I would have stopped you if I had known,” Alec said, breath whisper-soft against Magnus’ skin.

“It would have been adorable to see you try,” Magnus replied teasingly and Alec huffed out a laugh. Magnus pressed a kiss to Alec’s plush, pink mouth, humming into it as his tongue begged for entrance. It was gentle and slick, lips catching and holding for a moment, before they broke apart to smile at each other, softly.

“Alexander, I’m not saying this is going to be easy. I’m sure there will be days where I am frustrated. There might even be days where I decide I need to throw a crystal vase across the room or scream at the top of my lungs,” Magnus said as he laced their hands together.  “But _never_ in any of those scenarios will I feel any regret for doing what I had to do. Okay?” Magnus searched those gorgeous hazel eyes, smiling approvingly when Alec gave a resigned nod.

This wasn’t over, Magnus knew. His tenacious Alexander would not let it be; he had no doubt that his love would be scouring books, doing any research he could to find a way to give back what he felt he took from him, no matter how many times Magnus protested it wasn’t so. But that was a problem for another day. All that was necessary now was climbing under the blankets with Alexander, laying against his chest and listening to the strong steady beat of his heart.

 

The End

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Magnus: Come on, Alexander, this glitter will accentuate your gorgeous cheekbones so well!
> 
> Alec: Not happening.
> 
> Magnus: ...
> 
> Magnus: Do you remember that time I gave up my magic so that-
> 
> Alec: Give me the fucking glitter, Magnus.
> 
> Magnus: Oh, well, only if you insist, darling.


End file.
